Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder

From Henry's personal library

Attention! This isn't a diagnostic manual. It's a personal research only!

To differentiate the personality disorder from the obsessive-compulsive disorder there are two concepts: egosyntonic and egodystonic. Simply put, in general, personality disorder involves beliefs and behaviors that the person doesn't see as problematic. OCD usually includes an element of irrationality, and often the person realizes that the thoughts or behaviors they have are unwanted or disliked because they're deemed useless or time-consuming. Can both happen at the same time? Yes.

For example: a person who has a cleaning or orderliness obsession may repeat checking processes to exhaustion, fearing that if not done properly, they might get sick, contaminate themselves, or cause harm due to lack of order. Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder pertains to strictness, adherence to norms, or standards. So, cleaning might be for infection prevention in a hospital, for instance. Checking and rechecking might be for accident prevention in the workplace or in extreme sports, for example. A surgeon washes their hands once according to procedures and is methodical in execution, but not compulsive in washing their hands ten times, for instance. The exaggeration in repetition is counterproductive and irrational.

Is there a relationship with ADHD? Yes. One of the symptoms of ADHD is hyperfocus, and OCPD can be hyperfocused on work. Another symptom is restlessness and the need for constant mental or physical activity. This happens with both ADHD and OCPD.

Is there a relationship the autistic spectrum? Yes. The main intersection lies in the rationalization of emotions, in very rigid beliefs and rules. The description of the autistic spectrum and also ADHD, a lot of things have similarities with all personality disorders. If you delve deeper into research, even schizophrenia intersects with personality disorders.

I personally believe that OCPD is somehow related to borderline personality disorder. In many aspects, OCPD seems like a hypercompensation for the disorder and chaos of borderline. If borderline is unhinged and unstable, OCPD is over controlling and rigid. Emotions in borderline vary greatly between extremes, positive and negative, and they are very reactive. In OCPD's case they vary little and heavily repressed, which from an outsider's perspective seem very cold. In a way, it also seems like an antithesis to antisocial personality, colloquially known as psychopaths, because one of the diagnostic criteria for antisocial personality is precisely the problem of not obeying societal rules and norms. In OCPD, the individual, unlike the antisocial, overvalues rules and norms above all else. It may also relate to the narcissistic personality. Because take narcissistic parents for example. Under an excess of control, of demands, of coldness, enforced rules. What's the response? To become a person who internalizes all that excess and to feel that it's never enough?

These individuals in some aspects can be confused with a narcissist. Can they be narcissistic at the same time? I can't say, but there's an intersection. Narcissists usually have a lot to do with feeling dominant, superior, or having an inflated sense of importance. This comes along rudeness, mistreatment, or lashing out. There's manipulation and blackmail too. Obsessive compulsive individuals aren't necessarily rude or crude; it's more about concerns regarding safety, ethics, or respect, and they're usually very curt. A coldness in the sense that they believe others' concerns should be like theirs.

A common thread linking antisocial, histrionic, borderline, narcissistic, and obsessive-compulsive is projection, cognitive dissonance, and a great focus on their own convictions and beliefs. Much of this is irrational and unconscious, rather than rational and conscious. Look up the definitions of projection, cognitive dissonance, beliefs, and values, because there isn't enough space here, otherwise it would become too long.

Important note: What about crimes and bad behavior? If you look up the description of OCPD it may give the impression that these people are priests. They may sound like teachers, coaches, very religious people or people who are super strict with rules and safety. As much as Antisocial Personality doesn't necessarily means despicable criminals, Obsessive Compulsive Personality doesn't necessarily means people who would never do anything wrong or would never commit crimes. A personality disorder by itself is not what defines people as being good or bad. Morals, right and wrong, these can be distorted in the mind of both ASPD and OCPD. Even people without personality disorders can have distorted views or beliefs.

Relationships

Relationships are colder or more distant for both narcissists and obsessive-compulsives. In the case of narcissists, the description of a family includes the aspect that love was always conditional. The description of a narcissist says that the person treats relationships as if they were a commercial trade. The same goes for antisocial individuals. It's like buying and selling, and a narcissist always has to have more gains than losses. So the person may do something for another as long as they see an advantage, gains, or think the other deserves it. On the other hand, the person always feels deserving or entitled, even if they don't do anything to deserve it or much less than they should. Obsessive-compulsives often resemble this because they have learned that there are always rules, norms.

The difference is that an obsessive-compulsive may have a genuine concern for the well-being, safety, or affection of others, but always conditioned to the rules or norms. A narcissist is primarily concerned with their own well-being, their own safety, or receiving more than they give. The obsessive-compulsive may even go to the extreme of excessively worrying about others' safety and well-being more than their own, which ends up resembling borderline behavior in this excessive devotion. In the case of a narcissist, ask this: Are they really devoted to their jobs, families, churches, a social project or is there something else hidden beneath it?

For example: a narcissist may think that love is giving a very expensive and luxurious gift because they learned in life that love is an object that is quantified with money. A borderline individual may also think of love in terms of giving and receiving gifts, objects. An obsessive-compulsive may also give an expensive gift, but because they learned that if they don't, it would lack respect or ethics. An antisocial individual isn't even concerned about love, only being interested in what they gain from it or its utility.

Antisocial personalities and psychopaths also have colder relationships. But an element of abusive and coercive control comes in. Psychopaths may not only invalidate feelings as a narcissist would but also threaten and aggress. For example: a child is forbidden to cry because the psychopath rejects emotional fragility and makes threats. An obsessive-compulsive would minimize the crying. They might say something like "this is negligible or unimportant" or "this will pass". There is a real concern for the feeling, but always associated with rationalization. It could be a culture where crying is seen as inappropriate for some reason. A narcissist invalidates by saying things like "you are weak", "you are stupid", or "you are a disgrace". All of this is a reflection of the narcissist's own interior.

The common element among obsessive-compulsive, borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial individuals is control. But the motivations and expression of this control are different for each. The obsessive-compulsive is more driven by rules, ethics, and morality. The narcissist sees themselves as the standard and wants everything their way, feeling threatened by others. The psychopath feels above the law, above everyone, and with power over others' lives. A borderline individual may also be seen as controlling, but their motivation is their emotional dysregulation and many triggers because they are excessively reactive people.

About the missing histrionic: from the description of what histrionic is, the relationship to one has similarities with borderline and narcissists. Borderline because of the emotions, which make a histrionic be dramatic, attention-seeking or theatrical. They can be controlling in a similar way to a narcissist because they want to receive much more attention than others. It seems contradictory, superficiality combined with intense emotions. But this happens because the person receives much more than they give and isn't much concerned about the other's feelings.

Viewing relationships as commercial transactions or negotiations is not necessarily wrong. After all, the world is made up of exchanges between people. Evaluating every relationship based on rigid rules, ethics, and morality is also not ideal. The problem with these disorders is that they always generate problems due to the exaggeration or lack of rules. Due to the exaggeration in ethics and morality or their absence. They are very dysfunctional relationships due to the imbalance between the parties and within the person themselves.

Emotional

Are they selfish? It might seem like the selfishness of a narcissist, but it's different. Narcissism is more about always caring for one's own ego. Everything should serve the purposes and desires of oneself. A narcissist sees selfishness in others but not in themselves. Obsessive-compulsive tendencies are more of a projection of concerns about safety, ethics, or respect. This is because they've learned that these things are the most important and believe it should be the same for everyone around them. A borderline individual may also exhibit selfishness in a similar manner, through the projections they make onto others. The difference lies in the way it's expressed and the motivations behind it.

For a narcissist love always revolves around the idea that the entire world should cater to their desires, as if it were always the obligation of others to do what the narcissist wants. When a narcissist gives you something or does something for you, it's as if it's a divine gift, something unique that no one else would do. On the other hand, for someone with obsessive-compulsive tendencies, love can be mistaken for excessive care, worrying too much about correctness, efficiency, or safety. One difference here is that a narcissist may delegate tasks, including exploiting others. The same goes for antisocial individuals. An obsessive person usually doesn't delegate because they want to maintain control themselves or because they don't trust standards other than their own. The dependent's case is about an extreme insecurity, such that they delegate all decisions to others.

OCPD individuals are usually hard on themselves, putting too much self-pressure and being too self-demanding. They hold themselves to standards of ethics, morality, and education that are often above average. This is not the same as a narcissist who sees themselves as superior or as a standard unto themselves. This self-demanding often projects outward, expecting others to act as they do. This is where narcissists and obsessive-compulsive individuals can be confused because it appears as coldness, a top-down imposition. Let's say the figure of a dictator or a military mindset would fit here. Narcissists tend to belittle others or invalidate them. Obsessive-compulsive individuals don't necessarily belittle others, but they have a very judgmental or critical stance.

For example, an obsessive-compulsive person might worry about the clothes and etiquette rules of everyone at a party. They might also think that going to a comedy show is foolish or useless, believing it would be better to be working or studying. A narcissist may demand things from others, but there's a strong cognitive dissonance and even blatant hypocrisy in demanding things while setting a wrong example or not even doing what they say they do. There's also cognitive dissonance in obsessive-compulsive individuals, but it's because they're rigid with a standard and only accept that specific standard. For example, what they accept as etiquette rules might include a way of greeting, doing things, or obeying that is very outdated or rigid compared to others and other cultures.

I've read a bit about avoidant personality, and interestingly, many people report an environment of excessive criticism or demands in childhood. This means that avoidant personality also has some relationship with the demands imposed by obsessive-compulsive or narcissistic individuals. The emotional description of borderline personality includes a lot of guilt and self-demand, but it's very much tied to feelings of inferiority, shame, inadequacy, and insufficiency. So, all the personality disorders previously mentioned have some relation to each other in their origins.

A comment regarding the dependent personality case: the obsessive-compulsive tends to take on responsibilities for everything, going to the extreme of assuming too many responsibilities. Dependent is the polar opposite. They shift responsibilities as much as possible onto others. While one wants to take care of everything on their own, the other doesn't want to take care of anything, preferring that others take care of everything. Now, is it possible to say that one would be the cause or the consequence of the other? No, it depends on many more factors.

There's an issue of existential emptiness in personality disorders in general and this manifests in different ways. Obsessive-compulsive individuals have a devotion to work to the extent that life is work. They overload themselves with work. Narcissists need a lot of validation and may be someone who wants the devotion of others, for example. Borderline individuals have a lot of fear of abandonment or rejection and may exhibit extreme behaviors, which for them are a devotion, a zealousness for the other. A very distorted and extreme view of what love is. Dependent personality individuals have a need to depend on others for everything, as if they're incapable of living and making decisions on their own. Antisocial personality tends to seek immediate pleasure, which can be confused with ADHD. The pursuit of immediate excitement, whether through lying or causing chaos, for example.

About the histrionic: by the description, they are intense and superficial individuals. How so? They overvalue the erotic, sensual, physical contact, an attraction to others, which seems borderline and also narcissistic. It's a quest for validation or to fill an existential void. A need to be accompanied. It's intense due to the attraction and dramatization or theatricality. But it's superficial at the same time because it's nothing more than appearance, wanting more from others and not reciprocating much.

Reason vs. Emotion

The issue of rationality versus emotionality has similarities between obsessive-compulsive and narcissistic personalities. It's because of control. An obsessive-compulsive may value practical actions or end results. Not because they undervalue emotions, but because they prefer objectivity over subjectivity. For example: saving time or money. But this comes at a cost, a sacrifice, and often it's irrational. Thus, a renovation of a space for parties, for example, might be postponed until the money is saved. But the person isn't flexible enough to consider whether the renovation really needs to be done all at once or if the payment needs to be made all at once. This inflexibility or very narrow view of problems can, sometimes, cloud the person's view and thinking. Because they could have found a different solution and can't see that they are, in fact, wasting time or money.

This overfocus on end results ends up "trampling" the process to get there and also the emotional aspect. For example, they might be so focused on a future gain that they fail to see that, in the present, the losses are building up. A narcissist may have something very similar, day dreaming future gains that are never achieved because they live in a perpetual fantasy. An idealization and not seeing problems within themselves. A narcissist may see themselves as pragmatic, but this is due to cognitive flaws and despising emotions. Much of this is self-gaslighting. Antisocial individuals tend to have a vision of achieving results even if it means running over others, and that's where they often make mistakes because impulsivity makes them have a much narrower view of problems. They may be people who seek the most immediate and quick gains, but not always.

Another similar point in the emotional aspect of narcissists, antisocials, obsessive-compulsives, and also borderline individuals is the need to control emotions through external means. An obsessive-compulsive may feel anxious while waiting for something or irritated, and then seeks to discharge that into an activity like working more, studying more, something that requires dedication or focus and effort. A narcissist usually discharges negative emotions onto others. Hence the toxic relationships, abuses, and an attempt to control others as if others were to blame for anything bad that happens to the narcissist. It's typical of narcissists to want to absolve themselves of blame. They may seek many events and parties as a way to seek validation, for example, as if it were a drug addiction to compensate for that existential void and an attempt to get rid of negative emotions. A borderline individual may "become addicted" to a person, a relationship, as if they needed the other to control the emotional chaos they constantly experience.

The impression that I have is that there's variation in presentation and temperament. People with obsessive-compulsive personality may be more temperamental or not, more irritated or not, with more explicit or more repressed anxiety, more rushed or not, more unfriendly or not. A narcissist or obsessive-compulsive is also not necessarily imposing and authoritarian, they may appear more distant and absent. Another thing is that it's hard to imagine a person with a personality disorder alone, without any other comorbidity. Problems with tiredness, fatigue, insomnia, injuries, memory lapses, concentration lapses, anxiety, depression, phobias, manias, cognition, etc., come in. Because there are many habits and behaviors that are bad for health, but the person doesn't stop much to think about it or even justifies it somehow.

The search for external factors to control emotions. For example, watching movies, series, traveling, seeking relationships with people or simply being accompanied, music, various jobs, etc. All of this is normal for anyone. In the case of personality disorders, it's the exaggeration, which comes to be very similar to drug addiction.

Regarding the histrionic case. It's more similar to borderline due to little or no rationalization. A narcissist tends to rationalize more. It's the opposite of obsessive-compulsive who rationalizes too much. If you research the description, eroticization and seduction are almost purely emotional. The psychopath can also seduce and be dramatic or theatrical, but in this case, it's more calculated and intentional. The histrionic is more irrational and instinct.

Do these people recognize emotions? They may partially recognize them. But all personality disorders concern failures in recognizing emotions and expressing them. Besides distorted emotional associations, such as associating love with suffering or pain with pleasure. This is also one of the characteristics of post-traumatic stress disorder, and there are theses that personality disorders could be interpreted as extreme cases of post-traumatic stress. While this reasoning is possible, PTSD and personality disorders are two different entities with their own set of challenges.

Behaviors

Are they prejudiced people? Yes, there are similarities. They are individuals with strict rules and conduct who criticize and judge others a lot. An obsessive-compulsive person may separate people into ethical and unethical, moral and immoral categories based on criteria such as clothing, behavior, or way of speaking. For example, they may only marry someone of the same religion or who dresses in a certain way. They might even enforce these same standards on their children. The description of a narcissistic personality includes self-centeredness, selfishness, and insecurity. These individuals tend to belittle others, viewing them as inferior. It goes beyond mere rejection. A point of intersection here is that both personalities have a strong tendency to compare people according to their own criteria. All personality disorders include many cognitive biases and prejudice begins with biases.

Both the narcissist and the obsessive-compulsive person insist on maintaining the same behaviors and beliefs. The reason is that what they believe to be right is always themselves or their beliefs. Even when reality shows otherwise, when they fail to achieve the desired results, it's very difficult for both to see a problem within themselves. They may seem the same to outsiders because both can display unscrupulous behavior by imposing too much and demanding too much. The difference lies in their internal feelings; therein lies the big difference between the two. An obsessive-compulsive person may have an excessive sense of guilt due to excessive self-demand. Meanwhile, a narcissist would tend to think that everyone is against them and may even border on paranoia, believing that there is a conspiracy against them. Can the obsessions with control and order of obsessive compulsive people related to paranoia, generalized anxiety or overwhelming fear? It can, but I wouldn't know how to explain the relationship.

I think an important difference between a narcissist and an obsessive-compulsive person is the issue of image. An antisocial person usually doesn't care about shame or self-image. On the other hand, someone with borderline personality disorder is very concerned and unstable, fluctuating greatly between positive and negative extremes. A narcissist is very concerned with self-image because everything revolves around appearances and external validation. An obsessive-compulsive person usually doesn't care about being praised, receiving attention, or being put on a pedestal like a narcissist would. Narcissism is closely related to a fragile ego and shame, whereas obsessive-compulsive behavior is more akin to indifference toward others' feelings due to strict adherence to standards and norms.

For example, an obsessive-compulsive person may have a great concern about performing a flawless job, but this is due to exaggerated self-demand, including fear of criticism or reprimand, rather than a desire to maintain a flawless image or to receive applause, which would be more similar to narcissistic behavior.

Regarding the histrionic. Much of the description suggests that they are individuals stuck in childhood and adolescence, which can also describe borderline, narcissistic, and antisocial personalities. However, it's more about seeking attention for oneself in a very exaggerated manner. There's a pronounced emotional "neediness" and very superficial, artificial behaviors, behaving in a very flamboyant way. Or speaking with words that exaggerate emotions, whether positive or negative.

Regarding cognitive dissonance, it's also notable that behaviors often don't align with thoughts. An obsessive-compulsive person may advocate for thriftiness or safety in their speech, for example. However, due to many cognitive biases, others notice that these decisions and behaviors are not consistent with the preached thriftiness or safety. The problem is that the person overvalues details, holds very conservative beliefs, and what they believe will lead to thriftiness or safety, in a broader view, may actually generate more insecurity or more expenses. Yet, the person is stubborn and insists on that way of acting and thinking.

In the case of a narcissist or antisocial individual, this incongruence is often associated with deception. The person may have a discourse of helping the poor, for example, but it's a facade. In family and intimate relationships, they display contempt, disbelief, dismissiveness, or even humiliation and mockery of others' suffering. This lack of synchronization between thinking and acting is indeed one of the most important defining characteristics of all personality disorders.

A brief note on manipulation: manipulation is not always calculated and intentional. It's a mistake to attribute all manipulation to a conscious and rational decision. This applies not only to disorders, psychopaths and narcissists. There is indeed an element of irrationality and emotion involved, and it weighs heavily. I say this because the cinematographic view that psychopaths are evil geniuses is very distorted and romanticized. To give a practical example: people can lie about some suffering an accident or the scar left by it, because they are ashamed of how it happened or what happened. In spite of being something minor, people can lie and manipulate for multiple reasons.

A hypothetical example of parents and children

Let's say a father or mother wants their child to study music. An obsessive-compulsive parent demands strict adherence to rules and standards. The justification could be something cultural, like in a family where success always means being the best. It could be a matter of honor, for example. Perhaps it's a safety concern to avoid potential failure. If they're narcissistic, the discourse might be about honor, but the demands are more like projections of dreams that the parent imposes on the child. It's as if it's an obligation to make the parent happy. There's control over the child to ensure they don't deviate from the parent's expectations.

If the parent were a psychopath, then torture and a lot of anger come into play. It's more than just control; there's a lot of violence and even a sadistic enjoyment in causing harm. It's more akin to slavery. A psychopath sees their child as an object. In the case of borderline personality disorder, there might be statements like "If you like a different type of music than mine, you don't love me anymore". Or something like "If you don't study music, I'll lose you; you'll leave me alone." The concerns of someone with borderline personality disorder can be exaggerated to the point of seeming like paranoia or unhealthy jealousy, with ruptures from reality.

Another hypothetical situation concerns food or clothing. Obsessive-compulsive parents may control food choices due to excessive concerns about nutrients, food costs, where it's eaten, the quality, or the origin of the food. There might be an excessive concern about getting sick, feeling cold, or getting hurt. Or they may adhere to very rigid, even prejudiced, standards when choosing colors or fashion styles for clothing. Deep down they don't interpret this as control, but as care.

Borderline individuals may behave similarly in this aspect because one of the described behaviors is excessive gift-giving, which includes gifts that reflect the parents' preferences and tastes, not the child's. The emotionally dysregulated nature of borderline personality disorder creates concerns that are very detached from reality. Much of this is explained by projection. Narcissists may also behave similarly, but it's a matter of imposition, control, and the restriction of individual freedom. There's an element of invalidation, as if it's the child's obligation to follow the same standards as the parents. It may be a matter of image and ideologies, such as maintaining a public appearance of an ideal family that adheres to certain principles or values. Antisocial behavior may take this issue of maintaining a false public image to an extreme, especially if it's a facade to conceal crimes, for example.

A clear example of cognitive dissonance in this family dynamic is when there's a lot of contradiction between behavior, attitudes, and discourse. So, in the case of obsessive-compulsive parents, they may talk about how the child should be independent. However, this clashes with their excessive concern. The parents want the child to come home from school alone, but at the same time, they're overly concerned about how the child returns. They might want to pick them up by car. Narcissists may excessively criticize, saying the child only causes headaches. But at the same time, they want to control all choices and behaviors. They may say they don't have time to take care of them, but at the same time, they monitor every step or insist on dictating what to do and when to do it all the time. In the case of borderline individuals, there may be something like criticizing the child for causing a scene when it's the parents who are creating the scene themselves. There's an irrational contradiction between saying one thing and doing another.

In all cases, a common element is the child's feeling of never being enough, of being rejected, or feeling unacknowledged. There's also often a lot of guilt, shame or both, of being blamed for problems that are not caused by the child. Parents may manifest this projection of blame more explicitly or implicitly.

How to differentiate one case from another? I would say look for the motivations behind the behaviors. In any case, it's important to emphasize that there's almost always a discrepancy between parents thinking they're doing something and what actually happens in practice. There's no universal or correct standard of affection and care. There are variations. The problem with disorders is the exaggeration or total absence. The rigid belief in a universal or correct standard of affection and care is already indicative of some cognitive distortion.

What to do? I can't say. I don't have the answer. But it's a warning. People like this in a family or work environment are very difficult to be around. It's also worth noting that all the characteristics described here are not exclusive to one diagnosis or another and can be present to some degree even without all the other features. The disorders themselves also always have some overlap between different cases.

List of characteristics of OCPD

  • These are individuals who highly value rules and control and see nothing wrong with it;

  • Excessive concerns about precision, form, or methods. The right time, the right way, the right place;

  • A subtle difference would be that an obsessive-compulsive person might say "I am more correct or more ethical." A narcissist might say "I am better or I have more value than you" or even "I deserve more than you." The big difference lies in the motivation behind the statement and the intentions for saying what they say;

  • Excessive concerns about clothing, way of greeting, way of speaking, way of presenting oneself, language, places, schedules, performance, organization, reading, writing style, cleanliness, food;

  • These are individuals with very fixed standards of morality or ethics. They often judge or criticize others too much based on this. Others are seen as unethical, immoral, rude, misbehaved, inefficient, or disorganized. It may be related to a very strong religiosity or not. A narcissist may have a discourse of ethics and morality, but the behavior is completely mismatches their speech;

  • They tend to be very imperative or harsh. But this is different from antipathy, rudeness, or bad character; Ironically, the excess of zeal becomes a problem of disorganization due to excessive concerns with details;

  • Control extends to emotions. For example, being forbidden to smile in a certain way or to frown in a certain way. There's a lot of rationalization. Obsessive-compulsive behavior can be something like "you can't laugh because it's ugly or because it's rude." Whereas a narcissist is more about blaming others, gaslighting, always seeking external factors to justify what the person feels bad about. A narcissist would say something like "You're laughing because you want to humiliate me" or "You have no right to laugh, I do";

  • These are individuals who usually treat everything in terms of work. Leisure must be regulated like work. Personal relationships are seen as work, with formalities that often are not necessary;

  • They usually need to work all the time, as if life were to work uninterrupted;

  • They have an unusual concern with savings. Be it time, money, or space. It's well above average. It's through excess that it becomes clear that they don't save as much as they think they do. In fact, the waste they themselves don't realize can be irrational;

  • Borderline individuals tend to oscillate between extremes of love and hate, seeing people as either perfect loves or veiled enemies. Heroes x Villains. The obsessive-compulsive has something similar, either something is right or wrong. There is nothing in between;

  • They have an obsession with results. But it's contradictory because future concerns that generate anxiety end up preventing the person from seeing that they are disorganized or lost in details about how to do it, the correct way to do it, or the most efficient way. In the end, the result is not achieved and becomes even more distant;

  • A characteristic of the narcissist is that validation has to be constant and it is never enough. A narcissist wants more validation than they can get. There's something similar in the obsessive-compulsive in the sense of wanting to control more than they can and results that are never enough;

  • Narcissists and obsessive-compulsives usually have a lot of demands. They demand and are never satisfied. They demand more. They are practically impossible to please because it's never enough. Borderline individuals can be so insecure that any small detail can be seen as a suspicion that you no longer want / need / desire them, and this can also mean demands.

References (english only)

References (portuguese only)

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