Narcissism and suicide

(A.I. generated Flux Nightcafe)

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The description that Jacob gave about his suicide attempt made me remember the book "The hour of the star" by Clarice Lispector. When he had this impulse to commit suicide he was not sober and was bragging "You aren't my friends! You've all betrayed me!" You don't deserve anything good that I've done for you". Two of his friends left while a third one stayed. Jacob was self-hating and having these thoughts: "You are a dumb for approaching them! They don't deserve your qualities! You are a fool for trusting them!". Amidst that surge of emotions he began to think "I'm going to get my revenge! Everyone is gonna pay for what they've done to me! I'm going to make everyone feel way worse than I am. If anybody in this world can control my life, that person is me!! By killing myself everyone is going to suffer the consequences because only I can choose what I do! I am above everyone!".

He attempted to commit suicide next to his bedroom's window, with this friends being able to see him from the outside. A narcissist seeking validation right there! Showing off to get the much needed attention. His suicide attempt was foiled by one friend who remained around. The book "The hour of the star" is not about narcissism and neither suicide, but we can draw a parallel between the novel and Jacob's suicide attempt. I'm not going to review the book because that's not the point here and it has been so long ago that I read it that I don't remember the story very well. The intersection between a narcissist and the novel's main character is how a person is very small in comparison to the world.

Note that in spite of what Jacob said in his unhinged state, one friend who stood up for him there was what prevented the suicide from happening. In that day Jacob was in a near psychosis state of mind, fantasizing suicide as a means to show how powerful he was and how he had complete control over everything. This megalomania of perceiving yourself as all mighty and all knowing if often present in the minds of many psychopaths. Narcissists often border schizophrenia and there is the connection. Narcissists delude about themselves and about the surrounding world. Dr. Guido Palomba (Brazilian forensic psychiatrist) describes conductpaths (he uses this term due to etymology reasons) as someone who is on the threshold between normal people and insanity.

The book "The hour of the star" follows the story of a character who is below average, without much social status. The title is a reference to the life's end. When the person finally dies, that's when they gain attention and notoriety. That's the core of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. How can a narcissist even remotely consider suicide as an option? Don't we all naturally relate suicide to suffering? But aren't narcissist the type of person who believes to be above others such that they don't suffer themselves? That's the misconception about narcissistic personality. The narcissistic facade is hiding that, in reality, that person is frail, has a deep void inside and they have serious weaknesses. These people create a false self in an attempt to conceal the real self. The false self being the complete opposite of the real self. The false self may appear strong, majestic, but it's ultimately frail and won't survive till the end.

To rationalize the emotions and to believe that you have complete control over whatever you think, whatever you do and whatever you speak. This is what megalomania is about and often psychopaths have this trait. To see psychopaths as someone who is devoid of all emotions is a big misconception. This false belief that you have power over anything, as if your mind could control everything and anything is a common trait of psychopaths. However, depression can also show similar traits and this isn't because depressive people have psychopathic traits. Depression can make the person believe that they are rational when they aren't. They may be perceiving the world in a way that is unnatural and depression can blur the line between reality and psychosis. Self-deception can happen with pretty much anyone and doesn't require a diagnosis to be present.

Can you see how self-deception relates to alexithymia? Jacob attempts to describe everything with rational thinking as if he was above emotions and feelings. In that day he attempted suicide he failed to see that his own emotions were taking control of his actions. He wasn't self-aware, but in a severely deluded state in which he thought that he was completely rational. Think for a moment, to think that suicide is a "grand finale" is a very strong delusion. That's exactly how he was thinking at that moment according to the video. We don't have power over what we feel. It's impossible to control feelings with sheer willpower. The brain does not work that way! To contemplate suicide already means that the mind has reached a state of detachment from reality. It already means that the emotions are profoundly disturbed.

Sidenote: The main character in the novel matches the description of alexithymia because she is unable to understand emotions and lives without even noticing that this is a big dysfunction. The way Jacob tells his own past experiences shows to me that he is able to understand emotions to some extend, but he is actively trying to suppress or repress them. There is a very subtle difference between not feeling anything, not understanding what you feel and trying to reject emotions with rationalization. If you watch Nameless Narcissist's channel you'll notice how he tries to give logical reasoning for everything he does, feels or doesn't feel. This is quite different from complete unawareness which is what happens to the character in the novel. Alexithymia also concerns physical sensations, such that the person often cannot tell the difference between feeling cold or terrorized, heat and excitement, physical pain from missing something or someone, and the list goes on. It also concerns being unable to differentiate high intensity emotional states from low intensity emotional states and vice-versa.

According to his own channel, Jacob has been diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He also tells that he was a victim of sexual abuse during childhood. In addition, he has some clear signs of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). And the alcoholism. If you judge based on stereotypes, narcissism and depression wouldn't coexist in the same mind. Yet, they are both much closer to each other than the surface level may lead us to believe. Lastly, insanity. Think about news about terrorists who explode themselves and certain sects who brainwash people into believing that suicide brings salvation, or that suicide is glamorous. Unfortunately I lack knowledge to properly discuss this matter.

Can suicide be weaponized to trick others? Yes. Due to my knowledge about toxic relationships, suicide can be used as a weapon to gaslight others. Certain types of malignant people can exploit the feelings of guilt, shame, fear, compassion, pity, to abuse others by telling them "I'm going to kill myself if you leave me!". If the malignant person repeats it multiple times it tends to validate their own sense of superiority and how they can control other's feelings. How to differentiate a real suicide intention from gaslighting? I don't know. I don't have experience to tell you. But you have to be able to tell whether the feelings of desperation, sadness, anger. Whether the emotional there is real or faked. Try to answer this question: "Is the person really wanting to die or are they thinking about gaining something out of it?".

Notice how Jacob confesses to feel excitement and his facial expression is of arousal when we tells how his attempted suicide made him feel powerful. As if he had any power over life and death. Also notice how he confesses to feel embarrassed when he tells this during the interview. I really noticed how he behaves like a spoiled brat in his desperate attempt to gain other's attention. Although, I don't think that his suicide attempt was a lie. Some people say that he is recording his channel because he wants to bolster his ego. I can't make this judgement here. What I can say is that to discredit, invalidate, a narcissist because he or she is a narcissist ends up being a reflection of narcissism itself. Narcissists can be driven by thoughts of "this person is worthy while this other isn't" and anyone can think this way, albeit not being a narcissist themselves.

If you ask me where is this excessive rationalization coming from and why do some people have this strong desire to control, which can reach obsessive levels, I don't know the answer. However, Jacob was abused as a child and from that moment onwards he told to himself "Never again I'm going to be weak!". There are many other factors that contribute to form the narcissistic personality. Sexual abuse is one of them. People who suffer from PTSD often describe two types of reactions: one is numbness, the brain attempts to turn off all emotions and even physical sensation in a self-preservation mechanism; the other extreme is to have emotions hyperactivated such that people experience many many different triggers.

References

Characteristic of Narcissistic suicide - Igor Weinberg

Narcissistic suicidality - Elsa Ronningstam

Alan Mocellim (portuguese only)

Pedro Calabrez (portuguese only)

The Nameless Narcissist

Ricardo Ventura (In spite of calling himself a behavioral scientist his channel is filled with pseudoscience. I'm only mentioning him here because if you want to pinpoint whether a suicidal intention is real or fake and you rely on subtle body language signs for it. Warning! You really have to rely on background and context. Do not try to rely on subtle cues alone without accounting for context, background and timeline. Else there is a high probability of making big mistakes.)

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